#2

While eating dinner in a fairly quiet restaurant, my 4-year-old son suddenly exclaims, “Mommy, I need to poop so bad my legs hurt! I THINK THERE’S POOP IN MY LEGS!!”

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Vehicular Fun in the Bahamas

Adventures with Kris – Because we took a vacation and we had lots of fun adventures! Tonight, I’d like to share the vehicular fun. I knew I would most likely be the one driving so I had my daughter look up in advance which side of the road they drive on in the Bahamas. She confirmed they do drive on the left. Guess I’ll figure it out!
When we flew into Nassau, the rental car was just like the cars here in the US. The steering wheel and everything was on the left. I had a momentary wondering if maybe they really do drive on the right side, but I learned really quickly that they do in fact drive on the left! Bahamians do not believe in stop lights – They just do circles everywhere. Roundabout, take the second exit, in half a mile, take the second exit at the roundabout… to drive straight down the road! Then we found a sign that said “Z next 2 miles”… Oh, and the sign with the two cars on it means, “Dangerous curve, no overtaking.” I managed to keep up with where I was despite the lack of understandable signs, and I did great in Nassau driving on the left. Well. Almost.
So we decided to eat lunch, and we followed signs to a steakhouse. The signs pointed down a street that I did not realize was actually a DIVIDED street. I turned on the street, careful to stay to the left, and I looked ahead to realize this was a one-way street – left traffic was on the other side of the median. Oops. I flipped a U and tried again on the other side of the median.
Our plane was delayed and we got to Exuma after the rental car place closed. They sent me an email saying that my name was on the dash of my car, and the key was under the driver’s floor mat. My daughter and I ran all over the parking lot to find the car with my name on it was at the very front. Of course. Excitedly, I opened the driver’s door and pulled up the floor mat. Nothing. Oh no. Please let’s not have another problem today, pretty please. My daughter checked the driver’s floor mat also, because a second set of eyes is always good! Then I walked around, praying we would find the keys. I told her maybe they put them on the passenger side – I opened the passenger door and was relieved to see a little lump under the floor mat. I quickly pulled up the keys and told my daughter I found them. Whew. I’m not sure why they put them on the other side, but they sure did give me quite a scare considering all the problems we’d had up to that point. Then I walked back around the car and hopped in the driver’s seat while my daughter walked around to the passenger side…. except when I went to put the key in the ignition, there was nothing there. No steering wheel, no pedals, no ignition…. It was all on the other side of the car. You’re kidding me!! Apparently, they DID put the keys under the driver’s mat. Now with both of us crawling around the front seats, how did NEITHER of us notice the lack of pedals, steering wheel, etc on the driver’s side? And how did NEITHER of us notice it on the passenger side even after I ducked under the steering wheel to get the keys from under the floor mat and carefully placed the mat back under the pedals?! SERIOUSLY? Am I THAT dense?!
Okay, now let me tell you about this backwards car. The ignition is on the right side, by the door. The gear shift is in the center – you shift gear with your left hand. When you’re driving and you want to turn, the windshield wipers come on. For days, I used windshield wipers as turn signals. I finally got it through my incredibly thick head that the turn signal is on the RIGHT side with the RIGHT hand. Yes, this old dog CAN learn new tricks!
This might also be the time to mention the speed limit signs say 30 mph. The car? It doesn’t show MPH, it only gives KPH. In digital form (not the little circle thing that has both like we do here – no, that would be FAR too easy for someone to figure out how fast they’re going). So while I’m driving, the car says 45 kph, and the sign says 30 mph. NO idea what the conversion is, and I didn’t have international phone service so I couldn’t just look it up. Nope, that would have been too easy, too. So I spent the whole time guesstimating 30 mph and hoping I wouldn’t get stopped for speeding!
I got it figured out though, and we didn’t have any major problems…. except that one time I hit a pothole. And thunk, thunk, thunk…. Ugh. Flat tire. I pulled over, and by the time we got the trunk open, a kind man stopped and said, “I’ll get this for you!” He made quick work of it, and he suggested I avoid the potholes. LOL Yeah, I figured that out. Thanks. I know to avoid potholes, and I was trying – but perception from the wrong side of the car when everything is backwards just isn’t quite the same.
OH, we were trying to go meet our tour guide for the first tour. All I knew was “the port” so we were directed to Berreterre. We drove all the way up there just to find out we were at the WRONG dock. We were supposed to be in George Town. The guys were hilarious as they were looking at us in disbelief and telling us we were TWENTY-TWO MILES from our destination! That is apparently a MASSIVE distance for them. Of course, I was all, “Oh, okay. No problem then, let’s go!” “It’s TWENTY TWO MILES!!” “Okay, thank you!” “Man, you’ve got a LONG WAY to go!”… I was laughing, 22 miles is nothing, but I’m from Texas. 22 miles is over half their island. Yeah, I can see why it was such a big deal!
So we headed over to George Town. Have I mentioned yet that I didn’t have a map? We’d planned to get one at the airport or the car place, but it was all closed when we arrived. Yes, even the airport – we never went through a building. We got off the plane, grabbed our bags from the cart, and walked through a chain-link fence. I was doing the best I could to navigate and was using the photographic memory of a map I’d looked at days before and had NOT intended to try to memorize. It worked for the most part, but…. in town became complicated. I drove into George Town, but we didn’t know where the dock was. Then we saw it! I did a quick U-turn and headed back to the dock. The car behind me blocked the road and put his hands up like, “What are you doing?!” I was careful to stay to the left, I had no idea what his problem was.
That’s the day we met up with Captain CJ and his crew. Captain CJ told us all the pertinent information we needed to know. Like that all the streets going around towns are ONE WAY. There’s not a single sign, you just have to KNOW it’s a one-way street. Seriously!! Well, that’s why the car was acting all weird that I turned around then…. But I learned that lesson and never went backwards in George Town again! We circled around if we needed to go backwards – which is what they all do anyway. Circles everywhere! By the time we left though, I was a pro at Exuma. I’ve driven from the northern point at Berreterre to the southern point beyond Williamstown. And I didn’t go the wrong way in any cities anymore!
The very last day, I stopped at the gas station to fill up the car in George Town. There was a car in front of me so I circled around him and went to the pump on the other side. They don’t have self serve, someone pumps the gas for you. The man who was pumping gas told me I was going the wrong way in the gas station. What? There’s a wrong way in the gas station now too? Yes, you go in and pull out the same direction as traffic. And if you go backwards, they tell you about it because you’re messing up the flow of traffic. Who knew?! Hah, it does make perfect sense though, doesn’t it?
Everyone there is incredibly nice though, and the horns are used for communication. Regularly. You hear “beep beep” from a car telling another car to go ahead, and the other car goes “beep” to say thanks, and then you hear “beep” again from the first car! Lots of beeps – if those guys came to Dallas, they’d be shot! It was strange adjusting to all the honking, but once we realized it was ALL friendly communication, it was really kind of neat. 🙂
Coming back home proved another set of adjustments. Remember how I said the wipers were on the left, and the blinkers were on the right in the car on Exuma? Remember how I said I adjusted and got it down? Now let me tell you about my car here….
My blinker is on the left…. and my gear shift is on the right. Just let that sink in for a little bit.

Airport Fiasco… and Applesauce.

Adventures with Kris…. Because it’s been a while! And because after this fiasco, I thought maybe you’d all enjoy another adventure. My ex was scheduled to fly in on Monday afternoon, pick up our son, then fly back to Denver. She was arriving around 7:45. I was going to meet her at the gate and get her and my son loaded on the plane flying out at 8:45. It was a beautiful plan!

The flights were delayed so I took a little extra time getting my son ready. And I took a few minutes to snap some photos. I picked up my daughter, then we headed to the airport. They were flying out D26 so we parked at D31 baggage claim and went in. I explained to my daughter that only one of us would be allowed through security so she would have to wait for me at baggage check. We say bye, then my son and I wait in line at security. We have plenty of time. The flight is delayed until 9:05. The security line goes relatively quickly, and I give my son’s boarding pass to the guy at security and explain that I am just accompanying him to the gate to meet his other parent. He tells me to go wait in line at customer service and get a pass to get through security, then come through the “Priority” line. No problem, flight delayed until 9:05!

We get in line at Customer service. And stand there. And stand there. And stand there. My son plays with some boys in line, but then they leave. He lies down and asks to take a nap. He talks to the people behind us and sits on a lady’s buggy who was also in line. He points out all colors of suitcases, and he tells me all about the Skylink. If anyone’s wondering, my son fits in the “carry on” sizes according to the little metal sizing things.  An hour later, I’m starting to get concerned about getting through the line at customer service and getting through security. The flight is only delayed until 9:05…. It’s after 8, and we haven’t even gone through that big security line again! my daughter joins us in the customer service line since we haven’t successfully gone through security. Finally, it’s our turn! The lady at customer service is fantastic. She quickly understands what it is I’m needing and hands me passes for myself and my son. I ask if I can possibly bring my teenager with me…. I mean, I know only one adult can accompany him and she’s big enough to stay here, but can she stay with us? Please? YES!! Pass issued for her to join us. Whew!! And it’s only 8:30, I can have him there before they board at 8:45!

We breeze through security because we’re with a toddler – thank goodness! My daughter and I grab our shoes and start hurrying to get put back together…. Wait. Where is my son’s bucket? They pulled it. There’s something in the backpack that apparently looks concerning, and they need someone to go through it and test it for… I dunno, what do they test for?! And what on earth does a 3-year-old have that’s so scary in his tiny little backpack?! Applesauce. Seriously. They pull out his little packet of applesauce, test it, and then hand it to him telling me, “He’s all clear!” You’re kidding me. Applesauce.

So we scramble to get shoes back on his feet (he doesn’t have to take them off, but he does anyway), and we RUN to D26 where they are boarding for the flight. My ex is not here. They are calling, “__[Ex’s name]____, please report to gate D26 for boarding.” Um. She’s not here. Her inbound flight was delayed. She’s not landing until 9:07 pm. In terminal C. Uhhh. Houston, we have a problem.

8:50. They are about to take off, and she’s hasn’t even landed yet. It becomes PAINFULLY obvious that she’s not going to make the flight. I’ve got 10 % battery left on my phone, my ex in the air, my ex and son about to miss a flight, and a clueless ex’s partner waiting to pick them up on the other side. I talk to the people at the counter, a very nice gentleman who is thoroughly confused. “You’re ___[ex’s name]___?” No, I’m Kris, I’m MEETING my ex, she’s still in the air on the other flight. “You’re meeting her and getting on this plane?” No, I’m meeting her, and my SON is getting on the plane with her. I’m not flying. “Your son?… *looks at my daughter*…. So she’s flying?” No, my SON is flying. “Where’s your son?” *my daughter picks up my son so he can see over the counter*…. He can’t fly alone…. he’s flying with my ex… who’s still in the air. “Okay, so you want to reschedule my ex and Cassidy to another flight?” YES!! “Does she KNOW you’re changing her flight?!” Well. No. She doesn’t. She’s in the air, and I can’t talk to her right now, but I’ll tell her as soon as she reaches the gate. She’s not landing until 9:07, and you’ll be gone. She’ll be glad I got her on another flight out. “OOO-okay then. There’s another flight leaving at 10.” *prints tickets and hands them to me* We thank him VERY much and take off for C2 where she should be landing any time now….

10% Battery left. I need to notify her partner. I know her partner will be there to pick them up, but now she’ll be looking for them on the wrong flight… I call. Bad number. I message her through Facebook and hope she gets it, she immediately responds with a number. Whew. I call and let her know about the change of flight. She asks, “When does it land?” Well, of course she’d want to know that. I don’t know. The passes just say boarding C26 at 9:36. I tell her I’ll let her know as soon as I find out.

We make it to C2, and I send a message to my ex… “Don’t panic! It’s all worked out, meet you at the gate.” She responds, “Landed!” Then something like… “Thank goodness!” I’m watching the clock, but I don’t see the plane. Anytime now, the plane will appear. I have my son watching for the plane. He’s restless and wants to play, not run around the airport and behave. Please keep him sidetracked, please….

Then I have this BRILLIANT idea. Send my daughter to get info on the new flight! When does it land? Go find those boards, read it, and let me know what it says. Here’s the flight info…. I give her the boarding passes. My daughter can work on that while we wait for my ex, and I can get the landing info and be exactly where I’m supposed to be! My daughter takes off….

5 minutes later, she calls me in a panic, “MOM!! I don’t know where I am or how to get back!” Honey, just come back the way you came… “THEY WON’T LET ME!!” Huh? Who? Where are you? “I don’t know, there’s baggage claim here….” Oh honey, you left security. Oh no, you have their boarding passes. Oh no no no. “Mom, I didn’t know, I’m so sorry – what do I do?!” Okay, I don’t have time for this. I can’t get you back in here because stupid, stupid me didn’t give her HER pass, no, just my son’s and my ex’s. And I can’t go get her and all of us fight security again or they’ll miss the plane. So I respond…. “Okay, don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it, you just get to Baggage Claim D31.” “BUT MOM! How do I do that?!” I don’t know. Ask someone for help, I can’t help with this right now…. 7% battery, and I haven’t gotten her partner the landing info, and I’ve lost my teenager. Dude, I’m in trouble.

I drag my son to the counter and explain the situation…. “So you’re trying to get me to print tickets for someone who is still in the air? And you’re not flying? What kind of identification do you have for these tickets? Uhhh, none. I didn’t book them. “Do you have a reservation number?” Well, yes. No. Maybe. I mean, I have the original one, then they rebooked her…. It’s all I’ve got, maybe it’ll work. I give her the number, she hands me 2 tickets. WHEW!!

It occurs to me that we’ve changed terminals. We’re in Terminal C. I told my daughter to meet me at D 31 baggage claim. Uhh. Well, I sure hope she can figure this out. If not, I’ll figure that out later when I can get the car and go find her.

While I was busy getting tickets, the plane appeared. People are trickling off… 9:25. My ex’s last off the plane. Hahaha, of course she is. I calmly (and proudly, I admit) meet her at the gate, toddler and new boarding passes in hand, as if I’ve got everything under control and have the entire time! She looks frazzled. “Our flight out…. Still delayed…??” “No, you missed it. I’ve got you rescheduled to the next flight, it leaves at 10, boarding is in 15 minutes in C26. Here’s your boarding passes, come on.”

We get there with just enough time for a quick potty break, and then they immediately board the new plane. The screen says landing at 11:11 pm. I text that to her partner then head out. I took the Skylink back to D wondering if and how my daughter got to Terminal D. When I get off the Skylink, I met the guy who initially helped us with the rebooking, and I thanked him again. He said, “You’re already back from Terminal C?!” “Oh yes, they’ve boarded, thank you so much.” “Why are you here… oh, did you PARK in Terminal D? HAHAHAHA!!” “Yes, I did….” I join him in laughter, but I’m not entirely sure why that’s funny.

Then I follow the signs to baggage claim and burst through security. D31 Baggage Claim… I’m in the right spot, and LOOK! So is my daughter!! She’s good. 😉 She got all the way to D31 and was EXACTLY where I expected her to be when I got there. I have to say, I’m rather proud of her.

Oh my, what an adventure. Applesauce.

The Birds and the Bees…

We’ve raised, bred, and milked goats for several years.  I say we – it’s mostly been me, but my family helps with feeding and such sometimes.

My sweet Nubian named Sugar is pregnant and expecting (likely) twins. She is in the early stages of labor, but she isn’t yet actively laboring. While we wait, we are doing frequent checks. Part of that includes looking at her hoo-ha to see changes, look for discharge, etc.

This afternoon, I was sitting in the yard with Sugar. She was complaining of pain and just wanted to be held. So I was on the ground with her head in my lap. When I stopped petting her, she let me know that my hand needed to be rubbing her face. My teenage daughter came out and sat beside us. We chitter-chatted for a few minutes before she turned her attention to Sugar asked me, “So what exactly are we looking for?”

I lifted Sugar’s tail and showed her Sugar’s swollen vulva. We talked about what it looks like vs. what it typically looks like vs. what it’s GOING to look like. She responded, “Hmmm….” and sat there silently for a little bit…. looking at Sugar and thinking about who knows what.

Then she spontaneously asked, “Hey Mom? How does a GOAT fit through that little hole?!”

Come On Inside!!

I don’t remember what I was doing outside after dark a while back, but I was out for some reason. Maybe I was on the phone or burning trash or feeding the animals. Who knows. Anyway, apparently I’d been gone a while. Long enough that I scared my daughter…

She grabbed a kitchen butcher knife for her protection and headed to the door. I approached the door about the same time (on the OTHER side, but she couldn’t see me because it was dark). As I reached for the door handle, I saw her reaching for the door handle inside. So I made a quick change of plans, and instead of trying to open the door, I let her open it. And I said, “Boo.” I didn’t scream it. I didn’t jump out or grab her. I just stood there and calmly said, “Boo.”

She THREW the door WIDE OPEN and screamed at the top of her lungs. I mean she SCREAMED and SCREAMED. She stood there for a good five minutes holding the knife with the door wide open screaming this ear-drum-piercing scream. I walked past her into the kitchen and looked at her as she watched me… and kept screaming…. while holding the knife… with the door wide open.

At some point, she realized that I was just Mom. The screams turned into laughter, and she laughed her butt off.

When she finally settled down, she said she thought I was a murderer or something. I couldn’t resist, I just HAD to question her – “So why exactly did you throw the door OPEN and just stand there screaming when you were HOLDING A KNIFE?! I mean, you had options. You could have CLOSED the door, locked it, and used the phone to call 911. Or just used the knife…” Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad she didn’t try to kill me or anything, but…. Hey, if a murderer ever comes to our door, I can count on her to throw the door wide open and let them right in. Even if she’s holding a knife! At least she’ll alert me.

Not Funny…..

I had a little electrical problem with a porch light. I noticed the fixture was broken and there were places it looked like it had burned some wood around it. I had the switch taped off so we didn’t burn the house down. We used to hide the house key on top of the light fixture.

Not a problem though – I can change a light fixture! I picked up a new fixture and gathered tools to get the job done. I turned off the electricity and went outside to remove the old one…. Except it didn’t take a flat head screw driver. Or a phillips. Nope, it required a socket, and I didn’t have that. So I packed everything back up and turned the electricity back on.

The next time I was in town, I picked up a basic socket set. Then I got excited because… I can do it now!! I can fix the light!! I was already in my night gown, and I did NOT have on shoes. But that didn’t matter since I wasn’t leaving my porch, right? I turned off the electricity at the breaker, got my new socket set out, and quickly removed the old fixture. Guess what went flying? Yep. The house key. I just knew it had fallen under the porch, but after quite a bit of scrambling and looking, I finally found it. I picked it up and set it inside the door on a shelf temporarily until I could find something else to do with it.

I was really shocked at how damaged the old fixture was. Like WOW, I’m surprised the house did NOT burn down!! But that’s okay – I’ve got this. I pulled out the new one, hooked it up, and….

*click*

My sweet, adorable, lovely two-year-old was just inside the door. And he figured out how to lock it. From the inside. And the key? Inside. And me? Outside. In a gown and NO SHOES.

I couldn’t walk around and bang on the front door by where my daughter was sitting because I didn’t have shoes. *sigh* I banged and banged and banged…. He could not understand to UNlock the door to let me in so I was stuck outside on the porch in my gown, banging on the door and trying my best to get my daughter’s attention so she could come let me back in.

When she finally opened the door, she looked at me like I had gone completely mad. Maybe I looked like I had. LOL She went, “I didn’t lock that.” I said, “Yeah, I know. HE did. Thanks for letting me back in.”

Brilliant Ideas….

So you see, after work, I decided I needed to move some fencing around the yard, rearrange, and move some goats to another location. I had done some figuring, and I thought, no problem – I’ll take a piece of fence here, 2 from there, and one from there… and tadaaa! 4 pieces that make a square for a separate pin over THERE. So I went to work. The first piece came out of a separate area where I put Freyja during feeding time. No problem!! Well. Except the minor fact that I chose FEEDING TIME to do this. So of course, there was a dog in there while I was trying to redo the fencing. And this dog is infatuated with cats. And she tries to escape. Oh, and she’s partially deaf. And doesn’t recall. Letting her out is MASSIVE fail. It took a while and LOTS of work, a bit of finagling, and maybe a little dancing… but I managed to steal the fence panel without letting her out.

Then I went to the buck pen. Well. What used to be the buck pen. Now it’s the “Big goat” pen. No problem, I think… I’m just going to take these last two panels at the end, connect these two ends, and waaala! Ha. Ha. Haha. Right. Except that… when I’m removing these panels, I have no place for the big goats to go. So while I was inching the panels away, I was also being hounded by goats who desperately wanted out so they could free-graze. Which is fine, except Sugar is a problem. She knows where I keep the feed, and she doesn’t free-graze. She darts for the feed. So I had to dance yet again to keep the goats in the pen while I was removing panels and moving the fence. I thought I was doing really well until… the fence came about a foot short of connecting to the other side. In case you didn’t know, that’s plenty of space for goats to go through. So I was stuck dancing with goats while trying to figure out my next move. Suddenly everything had to change. I could connect the fence another panel up, and that would even give me another spare panel right there without further work… except it meant a lot of work to move the fence where it was attached in the LITTLE goat pen. Long story short, it was a complicated disaster…. and I was dancing with goats.

Decision made, I disconnected the panel which connects to the little goat pen and connected the fence at the closer panel. The little ones aren’t big enough to move it so I just left it while I was working on the big goat area. Sugar and Tanner were not impressed that I didn’t let them out. Oh well. I got the big goat area completed while swiping 2 panels. Then I did something really brilliant. Instead of moving one of the fence panels at a time, I decided to go unhook both of the “freed” panels from the fence. Did you know that if you unhook one panel from everything, there is nothing holding it up? So did you know if you unhook 2 from everything, then unhook one from that so you can move it… you totally just unhooked one panel from EVERYTHING holding it up?! Yeah, well. My brain realized that one a little too late as my daughter was being a very good girl and just going along with my insanity. It wasn’t until I unhooked them both from the fence and then went to remove the one to move it that I realized what I’d done. And I commented about how smart that was. My daughter? “Yeah, I wasn’t going to ask. I figured you had some plan…” Yep, the plan was to move the fences, not disconnect them and watch them fall over.

When we got both of those panels moved, I returned to the mess I made of the little goat pen and the disconnected panel. I was even armed with scissors and zip ties. I had to get IN the pen to move the panels around and fix it. First I had to cut the zip ties, move the fence… and oh crap!! That panel I disconnected earlier to connect the big goat pen? Yep, I just cut it loose from the other fence too so now nothing was holding it up. Ooops. How did I make that mistake TWICE in 15 minutes?! A teenager jumped in JUST in time to grab the panel, save the day, and keep the pen from opening up and letting little goats out! She held the free panel (effectively closing off the fence) while I moved the fence. That wasn’t so bad. Now I just have to zip tie it to the other, and I’m done!! Guys? Big goats dance around to find a way out. Little goats want to play. And jump on you. And eat your hair. And try to rip your shirt off. Seriously! Have any of you ever tried to zip tie a fence with goats jumping on you and eating your hair and ripping off your shirt? Just stop and picture that for a moment. And don’t you dare comment about my new bald patches.

I would like to say that somehow between us, we managed to complete the task and made a small pen in another location, and I moved Tanner to graze over there for a bit this evening. Sugar gets a turn tomorrow.

So then I was sitting in my bedroom working on some things on my computer, and I saw *something* out of the corner of my eye dart across the room. I grabbed my house shoe for protection (I’m certain it would have protected me!!), and I tiptoed into the bathroom to see if maybe I was imagining things. And then a little grey mouse darted over to the sink…. Forget the shoe. I ran to my door and called the cats! FIVE cats came RUNNING to my rescue! No wait. Five cats came running to my call, thinking I might give them treats or pets or something. Not a SINGLE cat came running to my rescue. I left the door open to my cat-free room for a little bit hoping they would, you know, get motivated or something? And so I had three cats sleeping on my bed, one sleeping on my chair, and one in the bathroom making noise. I thought that *maybe* just *MAYBE* he was mousing…. until I peeked in and saw him on my bathroom counter… attacking himself in the mirror. OSSY!! *sigh* Fur REAL? I have FIVE cats in my room and not a ONE of them goes after the mouse?! I finally got irritated with the insistence of pets and getting into stuff and decatted my room again. I don’t know where the mouse is. At least it’s not a snake or a spider.

And with that thought, it’s time for bed. Goodnight world. Dream of mice scampering in your bedrooms while you sleep. No wait. Don’t. Dream of that which makes your heart smile.

Solid Waste… and more!

The sun was brutal today. My daughter and I were both having trouble shielding from the insane brightness. Finally my daughter went, “OH!” And she jumped up and started fiddling in the truck. It’s my Mom’s truck, and my Mom has a tendency to hide things in her vehicles. Like glasses. My daughter opened a thingie and went “LOOK!” as she handed me a pair of sun glasses. Hahaha. THANK YOU! Brilliant child!! Then she kept fiddling and messing and looking in stuff until she found another pair of glasses. She put the glasses on herself and went, “Oh, uh…” I glanced at her and laughed and laughed – she looked ridiculous in the hilariously large glasses. I *thought* the “oh, uh…” was because she looked SO bad. I didn’t like the ones she gave me, they were too small and kinda hurt. So I took off the glasses I was wearing and handed them to her as I said, “Here, let’s trade. Give me those.” She obliged and happily took the ones from me. Then as I started to put them on, she goes, “….But you won’t be able to see *anything* out of them!” I registered what she was saying about the time I registered that I COULD see. Apparently Mom had hidden prescription sunglasses in her truck. LOL!! I know my vision isn’t the greatest, but that’s beside the point. I was stoked as I responded to her, “OH YES I CAN!! Look, I can read that SIGN! And that one! And that one…. and I can count the vehicles over there, and that up there is a truck, I can see it clearly!”…. All while she was about to pass out. “Um. Mom? Do you really see THAT badly? All this time, you can’t see anything?!” She’s scared to ride with me now, but I don’t understand why. I should probably find a new optometrist and get some new glasses.

I did mention we just got home right? That means driving after dark? I really despise driving after dark, and I don’t like to tell on myself very much about it, but tonight was really rather funny so here goes…. I approached one traffic light and stopped as I typically do if I can’t tell. I sat there for a good while waiting for it to turn green. Just to realize when it finally changed colors that it WAS green… so as the light was starting to turn red, I finally went through the intersection. Glad no one was waiting behind me. Just didn’t register at ALL that I could go or even to check and see if I could go. I think I’m tired.

There was another intersection that had messed up lights. As I approached, I was like, “Uh, not real sure WHAT to do with blue lights….” I can generally see blue. And traffic lights aren’t blue. Maggie laughed and said it was green, but it was definitely NOT green. A few minutes later? Another blue light. I commented to her about, “Look, that one’s blue too.” Her reply was FULL of uncertainty: “Yeah…. that one is definitely… NOT…. blue. But it’s not green either….”

We were playing with my GPS on the way home tonight. We were playing with the verbal commands and telling it to take us to [insert random thing we said] and see where it suggested. Because of Mr. Rickman’s recent passing, I said, “Severus Snape” – GPS asked if I wanted to go to Steak Escape. Cute… Then we tried other things for the fun of it. When my daughter said my son’s name, it asked about a bunch of tire shops – totally fitting. Most were pretty great and generally very fitting, but I don’t remember them. Then I said Maggie’s name…. GPS was like, “Okay – routing to SOLID WASTE!” *sigh*

Odds N Ends…

I’ll start this one off with – I’ve been sick. My brain is NOT fully functioning…. and this is bits and pieces of multiple things that should make you giggle from our lovely holiday.

I took the kids down to my Mom’s again this year. I have 2 phone chargers for the car. One does not work. The other might, but I’m not certain because my phone does not charge well. And I didn’t throw out the “bad” one just in case it did really work, just not on my phone. So when we started out, I plugged my phone in and realized it was the “bad” one that never charges the phone. I switched to the AC adapter because I know that works. I handed my daughter the car charger and mentioned that she could use it if she wanted to try it. I made no promises as to whether it would work, just that she could try since her phone was dead. She plugged in her phone and said no, it didn’t work. But she left it plugged in anyway just in case, and she put her phone down.

A bit later, she could not find her phone. It was missing. She checked her lap, her seat, the floor, and everything in between. She was PISSED that she lost her phone, and worse – she lost it when it’s dead so it can’t ring. She looked again as she wallowed in her anger, didn’t find it and sat there angrily for a little bit. When I mentioned something about checking her seat, I thought she was going to bite my head off as she told me she checked EVERYWHERE, looked down at the floorboard, went “oh”… picked up her phone…. and followed the short cord all the way to the plug in the car. Then she looked at me like, “Really?!” I just about wet myself I laughed so hard.

On the up side, her phone was charged…

My son is incredibly intelligent. He knows his ABCs and his numbers. I don’t just mean he can count or sing – I mean he can point them out and tell you, “B is for Ball” while he hands you a B. We use magnet numbers and letters regularly, and he brought me the C. While I was changing his diaper, he told me that “C is for Car” I said, “YES! C is for Car and Cat and Cassidy…. Did you know your name is Cassidy?” His response?

Wait for it….

“Name is Cassidy Torin Braamber NOW!”

I didn’t know he knew his name was Cassidy. Much less that he thought his name was Cassidy Torin Braamber NOW! LOL!!! He repeated this multiple times throughout the day.

We’ve also been working on, “Don’t take things that are not yours.” Did I mention we’ve been sick? At my Mom’s house, my son got a little snotty. I didn’t notice it yet, and it was apparently bothering him. He walked up to a tissue box, carefully grabbed the tissue sticking halfway out of the box, and used it on his nose. Then he carefully LEFT the tissue halfway in the box and happily trotted off. It wasn’t his. He didn’t have permission to take it. So he didn’t. Something tells me this rule backfired BIG time.

When we got home Saturday evening, we quickly unloaded in the floods and put stuff up. Or at least mostly up. Then we fed, and I went to bed. I was feeling REALLY bad. Last night, I wandered into the kitchen, and I opened the fridge looking for water. I saw everything BUT water. I mentioned to my daughter who was standing there that, “We need to clean out the fridge and get stuff out of here that….” While speaking, I picked up a thing of lunch meat and put it in the meat drawer to try to organize just a little bit. Then I saw a strange looking package. I picked it up, looked inside….. Yep. This would be one of those things that does NOT belong in the fridge. Now, can someone please tell me how my daughter’s jewelry made it into the fridge? With the weather, I’m not sure I’d want to wear a chilled necklace right now. Maybe in the summer….

It’s a Horse, Of Course, Of Course…

We were invited to many Thanksgivings today. Families offered for us to join them, friends asked us over, and we had several invitations for orphan Thanksgivings. People know that we’re up here alone, and we don’t really have family in the area. And really, I hadn’t planned on celebrating at all. Not that I’m not thankful, it’s just not a holiday I get into. This day and I don’t have much of a good history. So I was going to just enjoy the day off and not get involved in social issues…..

Then I accepted an offer. That’s what started this whole thing. I changed my plans LOL I went to a friend’s house last night and helped them get ready for celebration today. We took care of the animals before we left and planned to just stay through “meal” today. I really had a GREAT time visiting friends, cleaning, helping, and just spending time together. I wish I could have visited all my friends, especially all those who invited us.

Then I decided that we needed to get home. It was starting to get dark, and we still had to feed. So we got our stuff packed up and… Oh look. Now it’s dark AND raining. Look guys, I don’t do well driving in the dark. And while I’m a great driver, my car doesn’t do well in the rain. We had a heck of a fun and eventful ride home. I only tried to kill my daughter a few times, and one time as we approached a stop light that I THOUGHT was red and was stopping… the light turned yellow. I also realized that I didn’t think I could stop the car. So I put my foot on the gas and went through the yellow instead. At which time Mag freaked out and started hollering, “BLUE! RED! YELLOW!!” Because lights are blue, and that helps me tremendously. At this point I know the light is yellow, and I know I’m okay…. LOL There were several times I seriously almost turned the car around and just went back. But then I thought about my hungry goats and kept going.

Then we got to the house, and I realize that it’s been raining a LOT here. A whole lot. And my driveway? Yeah, it’s a muddy mess in the rain. I said, “Ohh… I forgot about this part…” as I carefully made my way up the drive. I was extremely focused on not getting stuck in my driveway as I pulled around behind the house. I was GOING to shine the lights of the car on the barn so we could see to feed…. but about that time, we saw GIANT movement on the dark porch of the house. I stopped the car, and Maggie and I both went to screaming. In the car. Not driving. Just sitting there screaming. Do I back up? Do I shine lights at the house instead? Do we LEAVE? What do we DO?! Wait…. that’s a horse. On my porch. There’s a horse on my porch. Okay, I can handle this….

I put the car in park and got out in the rain to confront the horse on the porch. Note that I hadn’t exactly finished parking the car… but it’ll do. LOL As I approached, the horse took off. Except the goats’ feed is EVERYWHERE. Oh geez. And it’s rainy and wet and most of it isn’t salvageable, and I cannot replace it this late at night, and probably not on Thanksgiving anyway. I decided to turn the girls loose and let them come eat the feed that’s all over the porch. Kill 2 birds with one stone – some of the mess is cleaned up and the girls are fed. This will work…..

But even that doesn’t go as planned. When I went to open the gate, I found it already open. OPEN!! NOOO! Now it’s dark and rainy, and I’m soaked… and I’ve got goats and a dog that are who knows where. And a horse somewhere at the back of my property. What a mess. I quickly check and see the boys’ gate is still firmly latched.

Okay, so it’s just the girls and Freya, and I hear a baby baaah so let’s start with who we have, then we’ll figure out who we need to find. As I stepped in hollering for the girls, ALL of them came running to me. ALL of them. None are injured, none are missing. The girls are perfectly fine. Freya? She’s nowhere to be found. And she won’t recall so going to “look” for her won’t do any good – and who knows how long she’s been out. At this point, it could have been last night for all I know. So I hope that someone’s found her and will somehow get her back to me while I tend to the goats in the dark and rain.

I finally get things as “done” as I can out there and come inside. Change into warm, dry PJs, dry off, sit down… whew, it’s been a heck of a day…. and a friend down the road almost immediately asks me, “Hey, do you happen to have a black and white border collie?” Yes. Yes, I do. I’ll come get her. So I put my cold, wet clothes BACK on, put my boots back on, grabbed a leash, and took off down the road.

My friend was at her mom’s house. They had a Thanksgiving gathering with their family, and we finally got to meet her mom. I knew her mom lived there, but I haven’t gone to meet her yet. Really awesome people. I’m thankful that I got to see my friend and meet new friends tonight. And I’m thankful that Freya is back home without any hassle too. And I’m thankful for the large container of Thanksgiving leftovers they sent us home with too! Thank you. Knocking on doors and meeting new people was not in my plans tonight, but I’m glad I did. I’m also glad that Freya is back with the goats and that I’m back in warm, dry PJs. I’m pooped. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!