The Birds and the Bees…

We’ve raised, bred, and milked goats for several years.  I say we – it’s mostly been me, but my family helps with feeding and such sometimes.

My sweet Nubian named Sugar is pregnant and expecting (likely) twins. She is in the early stages of labor, but she isn’t yet actively laboring. While we wait, we are doing frequent checks. Part of that includes looking at her hoo-ha to see changes, look for discharge, etc.

This afternoon, I was sitting in the yard with Sugar. She was complaining of pain and just wanted to be held. So I was on the ground with her head in my lap. When I stopped petting her, she let me know that my hand needed to be rubbing her face. My teenage daughter came out and sat beside us. We chitter-chatted for a few minutes before she turned her attention to Sugar asked me, “So what exactly are we looking for?”

I lifted Sugar’s tail and showed her Sugar’s swollen vulva. We talked about what it looks like vs. what it typically looks like vs. what it’s GOING to look like. She responded, “Hmmm….” and sat there silently for a little bit…. looking at Sugar and thinking about who knows what.

Then she spontaneously asked, “Hey Mom? How does a GOAT fit through that little hole?!”

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Come On Inside!!

I don’t remember what I was doing outside after dark a while back, but I was out for some reason. Maybe I was on the phone or burning trash or feeding the animals. Who knows. Anyway, apparently I’d been gone a while. Long enough that I scared my daughter…

She grabbed a kitchen butcher knife for her protection and headed to the door. I approached the door about the same time (on the OTHER side, but she couldn’t see me because it was dark). As I reached for the door handle, I saw her reaching for the door handle inside. So I made a quick change of plans, and instead of trying to open the door, I let her open it. And I said, “Boo.” I didn’t scream it. I didn’t jump out or grab her. I just stood there and calmly said, “Boo.”

She THREW the door WIDE OPEN and screamed at the top of her lungs. I mean she SCREAMED and SCREAMED. She stood there for a good five minutes holding the knife with the door wide open screaming this ear-drum-piercing scream. I walked past her into the kitchen and looked at her as she watched me… and kept screaming…. while holding the knife… with the door wide open.

At some point, she realized that I was just Mom. The screams turned into laughter, and she laughed her butt off.

When she finally settled down, she said she thought I was a murderer or something. I couldn’t resist, I just HAD to question her – “So why exactly did you throw the door OPEN and just stand there screaming when you were HOLDING A KNIFE?! I mean, you had options. You could have CLOSED the door, locked it, and used the phone to call 911. Or just used the knife…” Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad she didn’t try to kill me or anything, but…. Hey, if a murderer ever comes to our door, I can count on her to throw the door wide open and let them right in. Even if she’s holding a knife! At least she’ll alert me.

Not Funny…..

I had a little electrical problem with a porch light. I noticed the fixture was broken and there were places it looked like it had burned some wood around it. I had the switch taped off so we didn’t burn the house down. We used to hide the house key on top of the light fixture.

Not a problem though – I can change a light fixture! I picked up a new fixture and gathered tools to get the job done. I turned off the electricity and went outside to remove the old one…. Except it didn’t take a flat head screw driver. Or a phillips. Nope, it required a socket, and I didn’t have that. So I packed everything back up and turned the electricity back on.

The next time I was in town, I picked up a basic socket set. Then I got excited because… I can do it now!! I can fix the light!! I was already in my night gown, and I did NOT have on shoes. But that didn’t matter since I wasn’t leaving my porch, right? I turned off the electricity at the breaker, got my new socket set out, and quickly removed the old fixture. Guess what went flying? Yep. The house key. I just knew it had fallen under the porch, but after quite a bit of scrambling and looking, I finally found it. I picked it up and set it inside the door on a shelf temporarily until I could find something else to do with it.

I was really shocked at how damaged the old fixture was. Like WOW, I’m surprised the house did NOT burn down!! But that’s okay – I’ve got this. I pulled out the new one, hooked it up, and….

*click*

My sweet, adorable, lovely two-year-old was just inside the door. And he figured out how to lock it. From the inside. And the key? Inside. And me? Outside. In a gown and NO SHOES.

I couldn’t walk around and bang on the front door by where my daughter was sitting because I didn’t have shoes. *sigh* I banged and banged and banged…. He could not understand to UNlock the door to let me in so I was stuck outside on the porch in my gown, banging on the door and trying my best to get my daughter’s attention so she could come let me back in.

When she finally opened the door, she looked at me like I had gone completely mad. Maybe I looked like I had. LOL She went, “I didn’t lock that.” I said, “Yeah, I know. HE did. Thanks for letting me back in.”